At home one day he said to me, “its time, it’s time for me to go into Dove House”, I think he knew the end was coming. The next day we were back at the hospice and because he had already been in for respite he wasn’t worried at all.
Despite Covid restrictions we were able to visit and that meant the world to us, especially our son Aiden who was just nine years old. We would come through the stunning gardens and take turns to be with Andy but also to take in the tranquillity that is the hospice gardens -chimes in the air and the noise of the water fall were both so calming, it certainly made visiting so much easier. Aiden would push Andy out in his wheelchair when he was well enough and they would watch the fish together. This is where Aiden’s love of the gardens began and I am eternally thankful for that as visiting the gardens after Andy died helped Aiden to see the hospice as a positive place and not consumed with grief.
Aiden is autistic so processing Andy’s illness was difficult especially when I was trying to manage visiting Andy whilst ensuring Aiden didn’t feel like he was being forgotten about. In the last week or so Andy didn’t want Aiden to see him so ill and only remember him like that so we came up with the idea of a star. Both Andy and Aiden would have a red wooden star of their own so that when they couldn’t be together they would be able to hold it in their hand and still feel connected. This helped Andy just as much as it did Aiden I think and towards the end of his life the star never left his hand. Andy was tired, tired of fighting and that week he died at Dove House with his star in his hand and his family by his side.
I wasn’t sure how I would feel about visiting Andy at the hospice, I wasn’t sure I would be strong enough, but they made it so easy, calm and relaxing that actually I was there the whole time.
Not long after Andy died Aiden brought a bag of stars to give to patients at the hospice and their families so that they may bring them comfort like it did for him and Andy.