Michelle's story - My Mum

Mum was 72 years old when she was diagnosed with Lung cancer. It was agreed that both of my younger sisters, Danielle and Samantha, would be Mum’s primary carers in her own home with support from me and my brother Andrew. We all agreed Mum could never really be fully on her own anymore. It was starting to take its toll on her and it became apparent she needed extra care. She was forgetting to take her medication and needed a little reboot to get her back on track.

She was quite reluctant at first to go to Dove House, it was the unknown, she was frightened and was completely out of her comfort zone. She had been married to my dad for 52 years, they never spent a day apart and when he died two years prior the home they made together became her safety blanket.

She came to the hospice for two weeks of respite but unfortunately her illness progressed and she spent the last six weeks of her life at Dove House. We had a plan in place for her to go home which was what she wanted but she took a turn for the worst on the day, and it meant it was no longer possible.
While at Dove House she was pampered. I would go in to visit and she would say she had her feet done, had a bath, had her hair done.

She really liked the hospice, but she always just wanted to go back to her normality, her home, her comfort blanket. The hospice really helped to make her feel settled despite this, they went to every effort. Someone from the Family Support Team would come and sit with her, talk to her and I know she really valued that.

They looked after her so well, any information we needed we got it. The doctors would explain everything, we always knew what was going on and what was going to happen.

Everything at the hospice had personal touches, even coming into the front desk. The last five days all four of her children were able to stay with her – we felt we were able to be comfortable enough to be ourselves, to play
games and relax a little. Having the private room helped us to be a family right until the end.

Despite being reluctant at first, I think at the end she knew she was in the right place at Dove House, she could feel how much she was being taken care of. I think the care that was extended to us also helped as she knew at home, we wouldn’t have had that.

The biggest thing for us as a family was knowing that while she was at Dove House we could go for a walk, or to the hospice café, Dulcies, and know she wasn’t completely on her own. The round the clock care made such a difference for her and us, it is what she needed, and we needed for peace of mind.

Mum loved fuss, she would always want her hair and nails done so to be able to have those little things done for her at the hospice made her feel like herself. She loved to look nice, I always thought she was so glamourous, and I am glad they could do that for her right until the end.

Our experience at the hospice really helped how I grieved Mum after she died. Losing your mum is never going to be easy but I know it would have been very different had we not had had the care we did from Dove House.