Debbie's story

My name is Debbie, and I have stage four Melanoma which has spread to my liver and bones. I was on holiday when I noticed a lump under my arm while putting on sun cream. It was about the size of a pea but by the time I came home from holiday it was the size of a golf ball. I went straight to the GP, and they referred me to the medical team at Hull Royal Infirmary, who then sent me to the breast clinic where I had lots of tests done. I was in lots of pain after it had been touched lots and it continued to grow until it was 17x10cm. It felt scary.

Eight weeks later I was called back and given the news that it was in fact cancer but not breast cancer, it was Melanoma. They referred me to dermatology to investigate further. But before I got to the appointment, they called to tell me it had spread further and I was to see Oncology.

How could this be happening I thought, I don’t think I heard any of what they were telling me. I heard “spread to my liver”and my head just went. I called my fiancé home from work, he had to call them back for the information because I just couldn’t tell him what was going on. 

I have two girls, they’re 27 and 24 years old but no matter how old they are they will always be my babies. How could I tell them that I have cancer and that it’s stage four? Sitting them both down and breaking the news to them was honestly the hardest thing I have ever done. It broke my heart. 

I was offered immunotherapy but was told if the cancer didn’t kill me then this could. But how could I not fight this. My girls need their mum. I was in so much pain with immunotherapy, then had an allergic reaction. I had one round of radio therapy and ended up with blood clots on my lungs, it really hasn’t been an easy journey. 

When the Palliative nurse suggested the hospice, it was met with a great big no! I didn’t want to admit I was ready for hospice care. I went home from hospital and continued with my immunotherapy. Not long after my auntie spent her final days at Dove House, while there my mum was told about the support Dove House offer, for example massages. One thing I had really missed throughout my illness was having massages and treatments like that. As soon as I would mention that I had cancer in my bones no one in the beauty business would touch me. So, when I found out the hospice offer complementary treatments, I started to soften to the idea that Dove House could help me. I reached out and honestly haven’t looked back. 

Coming to the hospice allows me to talk freely about my illness, the way it affects my life and just being able to say out loud how rubbish it is, is refreshing. I have even had Reiki sessions for the first time, and they are amazing! The therapists have been incredible, they have given me tools to help with my wellbeing and breathing exercises to help me cope with stress. I come out of the hospice feeing relaxed and ready to tackle another day. I can be myself at Dove House, say exactly how I am feeling and not feel judged. 
 
I have also spent some time with the wonderful Family Support team who helped me out with some logistics. No one really talks about all of the other bits that come up when you’re ill, like the financial implications of not being well enough to work.
 
When I was originally diagnosed it was November 2022 they told me I maybe had nine months to live, my daughter Ellie’s wedding was booked for November 2024. I honestly feel that it is because of the support and the positivity I have received from Dove House that I made it to the day, I couldn’t have been happier. I’ve joked and told Chloe that she needs to get married next to give me another milestone to get to. She laughed and said jokingly 2030. I will do everything in my power to be there too.
 
I still don’t understand how I have Melanoma, I’ve not been on sun beds, I’ve not been sunburnt much and I always use suncream, but it only takes one burnt episode, Melanoma is a silent killer if not caught early enough, keep checking your skin!!