Margaret's story

Following meeting on a blind date, Steve and I were married for 51 years. He was a hard worker, working shifts most of his life. We first had Michael, then within 10 months, twins Mark and Philip. Four years later our family was complete when we had our little daughter Stephanie. Sadly, at the age of 22 we lost Philip to a rare form of leukaemia. He was back and forth to Leeds when ill, and even after a bone marrow transplant, donated by Steph on her 18^th birthday, he passed after 11 months. Steve never recovered from this, although he got on with life, choosing relaxing hobbies of sea fishing and gardening, always happy at our allotments, enjoying our many holidays and spending time with our grandchildren, and great grandchild. Steve was diagnosed with Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease in 2022. When he started to deteriorate in 2022, and had to start giving activities up, all he said was he wanted to be with Phil.

Steve was an outspoken person, and if he felt things were not right, he would say. He had made the decision that he did not wish to go back in hospital and chose to pass away at home. As his condition became intense, I had moved him downstairs and put the bed in the kitchen back rooms so he could look out the window at the garden and the birds. My only concern was if I came downstairs and he’d passed in the kitchen, it didn’t feel right.

The family, especially Steph and friends would sit with Steve so I could go out for a couple of hours. When Dove House was recommended for respite care by Steve’s nurse we were surprised as we didn’t class COPD within their remit however, Steve went on to have a couple of admissions at Dove House, and he passed away there, at his request.

I am so pleased that this care was offered. The peace and tranquillity of the wards was just what was needed. He was treated with dignity and respect, and the staff understood his needs. Although he was struggling to eat meals, he was pleased that if he was asleep and missed a meal, he could ask at anytime for something. Also, I was offered meals if I was there. They also have family suites if you wish to be near your loved ones. The devotion and care that Steve was given was at Dove House was outstanding, even when at times he was struggling emotionally they managed him. And more importantly which was previously our gripe especially, was both doctors and nurses kept us up to date with what was happening, and communication, within this part of his treatment helped with anxieties.

When you become a carer, your needs, health and mental health go on the back burner. There are emotions and guilt that comes along with caring for your loved one. I don’t think I realised how much so until Steve was in Dove House, and I could take a small step back and breathe. It’s hard to appreciate what caring for someone who’s illness is so demanding unless you have experienced it, I can only describe it as, at times: loud, frightening and hard work; having someone to talk to that can offer you guidance and support and knowing that it is ok to feel like that is a positive helpful feeling. and I thank everyone at the hospice that was involved in Steves care for this.

Steve has left a gap, which we now have to work through together as a family but knowing that there is still continued bereavement support on offer from Dove House if we need it at any time also helps in our journey.