Claire's story

My mum Janet was a very smart lady, a Head Teacher and History Teacher; so, when she started getting words wrong, we knew something wasn’t right.  My sister Alida and I noticed but it was difficult to bring it up with her. A few weeks later, it had got worse and Mum brought it up with us, she realised she needed to get checked out.
Her and my dad, Mike, went to the doctors who initially thought that she might have had a mini stroke. They arranged for her to go to hospital for scans and tests. A week later we got a phone call from the hospital who said that it wasn’t a stroke but that the scans had shown that there were significant abnormalities in her brain. My head was spinning, I couldn’t process what I was hearing, so God knows how my mum felt.


It was explained to Mum that she had a brain tumour and that they were certain it was cancer; not curable but it was treatable. Unfortunately, Mum’s condition deteriorated quite quickly, she stopped going out; she had lost her confidence and didn’t want to bump into people and get things wrong.
It wasn’t a good prognosis, depending on any treatment her maximum life expectancy was 6-14 months. She put on a brave face and insisted “I’ll get another Christmas!” We were all supportive, she wanted more time with us.

Her physical and mental condition declined during treatment and she wasn’t in a fit state to go through chemo and radiotherapy. She became quite dependant on me and my sister, she didn’t like being on her own.

The family, especially Steph and friends would sit with Steve so I could go out for a couple of hours. When Dove House was recommended for respite care by Steve’s nurse we were surprised as we didn’t class COPD within their remit however, Steve went on to have a couple of admissions at Dove House, and he passed away there, at his request.

After surgery had removed 90% of the cancer, we presume it grew back quickly, as is the nature of this horrible disease.   In the weeks we cared for her at home it was tough, Mum wasn’t Mum anymore.  At home even though there were three of us able to care for her, my dad is in his 70s, and my sister and I have children so it was extremely difficult to give her the care she needed and deserved.   Mum wanted someone with her all the time, she had lost confidence in her movement, and she was scared.

Me and Alida would take it in turns to stay over but it began to take its toll.  Caring for Mum suddenly became very full on. Our friends Charlotte and Fran became part of our carer circle because we just couldn’t do it alone.
One night when we came to give her her pills, she struggled to swallow one of them. She had a seizure that night and she seemed to be in pain, scared and confused.  We had gone from being able to lift her, to now struggling.  She had kept so much of her strength until this point. Charlotte had called and could hear how broken I was and sensed something needed to change. I think Mum knew we couldn’t cope and that we needed support.
 
We managed to get Mum a place at Dove House Hospice the next day, it was such a weight lifted as we knew they would give her the care she needed.

Everything was amazing at the hospice, Dr Becky and anurse called Rosie sat down with us and talked to Mum and us about how they would plan her care, pain management, and how they would support us as a family.

Receiving the support we got from Dove House honestly changed our story, from struggling to being able to be Mum’s daughters again, for Dad to be her husband, and her friends to see her in such a loving and warm environment. Dove House became a home from home for us; we were able to use the kitchen facilities as much as we wanted to, and we were even given beds to stay with our mum in her room, but also able to stay in the Family Suites upstairs which let us take time for ourselves and to recharge to spend time with Mum.

Dove House Hospice really does let you be the family again. They enable you to walk away and go back to your family for the night and go back that little bit stronger. When we had to leave it was hard; but we knew that she would be cared for.

Before the hospice, we couldn’t rest or settle when we had been caring for Mum at home, as we were worried about what would happen. The first night Mum was at the hospice I actually slept for the first time in a long time. I didn’t have to worry, her pain and anxiety were managed so well.

As a family we were able to come to the hospice and be together.Nothing is ever too much for that amazing team.   I will never forget the day rabbits, a pony, and a snake came to Dove House to visit the patients, it made us all smile, and was a lovely break for us all.

We only had 14 weeks with Mum from her diagnosis, and she never did get her last Christmas. When Mum died, it was the hardest day but we all knew it was as peaceful as it could be, and she wasn’t in pain. It wouldn’t have been like that if she had been at home.  I encourage anyone to consider hospice care if and when needed as it really does make things easier for those living with life limiting illnesses or needing end of life care. The support and compassion for the families will stay with us forever.

Dove House is a charity that will be in our lives forever for everything they did for Mum and for us.  I plan on raising money every year and started it this year with the Fire Walk challenge which was great fun.  I know my mum would be shaking her head and laughing at me for doing it!