Roger's story

Linda, the love of my life became ill, and our lives suddenly became something very different. We had been together 40 years, but we had never married. I had always wanted to, but Linda always said, “but were happy as we are”.

She started to forget dates, not a lot but a few. Over Christmas she was struggling, and she found some word games hard – she just couldn’t get the words out quick enough. Then in January she started to get a little slower. Then one morning she didn’t want to get up and I started to worry. A doctor made a home visit and all of a sudden told me ‘an ambulance is on its way’. I couldn’t go with her because of Covid restrictions. I felt helpless just at home waiting. Nicola, Linda’s daughter worked for the NHS so could be with her. She was diagnosed with a brain tumour at 69 years old. It was the worst possible news we could ever have – it was awful for Nicola to then have to go and tell her family, it was such horrible news to have to break to everyone.

Physically we had no clue she was ill until it was too late. We were straight at stage four, and it was devastating.
There was no guarantee with an operation and on the right medication she could still have a good quality of life so we decided against the operation and hoped we could just enjoy the time we had left together.

I don’t know how Linda coped. She didn’t want to talk to anybody about it, not even me. I could never find out how she felt or how it affected it her.

I was losing the best friend I ever found, and Nicola and Lee were losing their mum, it was too early. I didn’t want Linda to die not being my wife, so I asked her again to marry me and this time she said yes. Within a month we were married. She started to slowly go downhill after that. She kept her spirits up, but the brain tumour was affecting how she talked now. Eight weeks after she became my wife she died, I was heartbroken.

Linda was a very special person to lots of people, although she would never have thought of herself that way. The funeral was filled with people who loved and cherished her, and it was of such comfort to me, Nicola, Lee and family.
I searched for help in my local area as I knew I was struggling and that is how I found bereavement support at Dove House.

I talked with the Family Support Team, and the way they listened really helped me. I was apprehensive at first, but I got everything off my chest that I had been holding on to. They also suggested I try their Bereavement Café, Welcome Wednesdays to talk to people in similar situations to me. Before long I was part of the group, and it felt nice to feel happy. There is always someone to talk to and we support each other. There was so much laughter, and it has made such a difference to how I was feeling. It is always really nice to welcome in new people and meet them where they are at with their grief. Nothing takes that grief away but at Welcome Wednesdays it helps to make it feel lighter. We want to be able to talk about the person we have lost. We want to hear the things that keep their memories alive and its nice to be able to share that with others who feel the same.

Both the support from the Family Support Team and Welcome Wednesdays have helped me to come to terms with losing Linda. I don’t know where I would be without them both being available to me.