Mike's story

My wife Sue became ill sixteen years ago. It started with stomach problems and for some time our GP treated her for irritable bowel syndrome but nothing seemed to help. This went on for about a year, and Sue just didn’t improve. When she began to develop other symptoms, she was sent for a scan and that was when our world changed. We were told Sue had stage three ovarian cancer. It was a complete shock despite her being ill for so long.

Sue took the news far better than I did. All I could say was, “Why her?” and she calmly replied, “Why not me?” I went from feeling completely broken to feeling incredibly angry. I poured all that energy into researching everything I could, desperate to do something, anything, to help her.

Sue had surgery and six rounds of chemotherapy, but sadly the cancer returned. Over time, she went on to have three major operations, including having a stoma. She coped unbelievably well through everything however, after suffering an anaphylactic reaction to one of the chemotherapy drugs, she became very weak and decided it was time to stop active treatment and focus on palliative care. The doctors told us she probably had around nine months left to live.

Despite everything she was facing, Sue always said how lucky she had been. That was just who she was, even in the final months of her life, she remained grateful for the love, care and kindness she received.
From the time of her diagnosis, I cared for Sue at home however she came to Dove House three or four times for respite care and pain management stays. I’ll be honest, each time felt difficult for me emotionally. It felt like accepting that the end was coming, something I wasn’t ready to do, but the care she received was beautiful, and the hospice always made sure Sue was well enough to come home to me again.

Dove House truly improved Sue’s quality of life, they helped her remain grateful for the moments she still had, and for that I will always be thankful. Every visit to the hospice was brilliant, everyone was marvellous, the care, the expertise, and the compassion. We felt we were incredibly lucky to have experienced that level of support.

Gradually, Sue began to eat less and less, just a couple of tiny forkfuls at a time and eventually she stopped drinking, she then deteriorated quite quickly. Towards the end, life became very hard. I was up several times a night and then awake again very early in the morning. I did it all with love, Sue was the love of my life, but it took its toll.

One day, as I was trying to help her out of her chair, her legs gave way beneath her. In that moment, I knew we needed more help. I have never felt so helpless as I did then, not being able to help the person you love most in the world.

Sue came to Dove House for her final stay and spent the last week of her life there. I stayed with her, but I no longer had to be her carer. The doctors, nurses and care assistants looked after everything. I could simply be her husband again, holding her hand and spending precious time together. That meant more to me than I can ever put into words.

I cannot thank Dove House enough for everything they did for Sue.