Gaynor's story

I worked as a teaching and Higher-Level Teaching Assistant, in a wonderful school in Hessle for over 20 years. I absolutely loved my job. It gave me purpose, routine and a joy of witnessing a child’s growth in learning. I had always wanted to work with children from such a young age and helping, inspiring and nurturing them felt like one of my life's purposes. Before my own diagnosis, my wonderful sister Tracey and I, had cared for both of my parents in and out of hospital, so I understood how difficult illness can be, not just physically, but emotionally too. Three weeks after their passing, I was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Brain Cancer.

To give up the career I loved was devastating. My illness took away so many of the things that made me who I was, and I had no choice in that. The loss of my parents was incredibly hard to come to terms with, leaving a job I loved and sharing my diagnosis with my loving husband Gray, my kind-hearted daughter Holly and my devoted close-knit family, was all incredibly hard to accept.

When it came to accessing support for myself, I was frightened. I'll be honest, I was too nervous to even look at what the hospice had to offer me. I had my own ideas about what a hospice was, and wasn't sure I was ready to face it. Looking back now, I realise that going to the hospice Car Boot Sales with my loving family was my way of taking that first step. It helped me slowly feel more comfortable being there and gave me a gentle introduction to the support that was waiting for me.
 

The first time I walked into the hospice’s Living Well Group, I was shaking with nerves. I hardly spoke. I just sat and took everything in. But when I left that day, I remember thinking how enjoyable it had been and how much I wanted to come back. That feeling has only grown. Every time I come to Dove House, I discover even more of what the hospice offers. I attend groups I never even knew existed, but now they have become a lifeline. When things are really hard, they're a big part of why I get out of bed in the morning.

Coming to the Living Well Group and Tea & Talk each week has added so much value to the days I have. The staff remember the things that make me smile. Those little acts of kindness make such a difference. I genuinely look forward to attending. I feel relaxed here and completely supported. Every single person I've met is compassionate and you can tell they are completely invested in the people they care for. The hospice makes the people accessing their services feel like so much more than our illness.

I also get to try things I've never done before, but always wanted to. Art and craft are such a positive outlet to process my complex emotions or thoughts. The group have fun together, and we laugh. Everyone is made to feel like so much more than their illness. Of course, we all know why we're there, and although we all have different diagnoses, the emotions are often the same.

We hold each other up, and if it wasn't for Dove House, I would never have met these wonderful people.
I've lost so many of the things I once loved doing, but since coming to these groups I feel like I've gained something too. They've shown me what hospice care can look like, and it's so much more than I ever imagined. Coming to Dove House helps make a sad time happier. It doesn't make me forget about my illness, but it helps me put everything that comes with it on pause for a little while. That break is something I need more than I ever realised.
 

The Dove House wellbeing services have also become such an important part of my journey, that I honestly don't know what I would do without them. I have started accessing Complementary Therapy too, I never imagined something like a foot massage could bring such a release, but when I'm in that room, I can genuinely forget everything, just for a little while. I close my eyes and feel relief. When I open them, there are tears, but they're happy tears because, for the first time in a long time, I feel peace.

I've also been lucky enough to take part in things like the Garden Lit with Love event. I'd never made a wreath before, but I felt so proud to be part of it. It brought back memories of my mum and dad and made me wish they could have experienced the same love and compassion I feel every time I walk through the hospice doors. Sharing that experience with Gray and Holly made it even more special. Telling Holly about my diagnosis was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. How do you know when it's the right time to tell someone you've spent your whole life trying to protect?

I'm lucky because I have an amazing husband who supports me every day, but I know not everyone has that. That's why I think it's so important people know what Dove House offers. Before I came to Dove House, I thought a hospice was somewhere people only went at the very end of life. I couldn't have been more wrong. At one point, I really felt like I had lost myself. Now, through the care, kindness and understanding at Dove House, I get to be me again. Outside of the hospice, sometimes all people see is my illness. I love music, making videos, art and anything crafty. I've been to more concerts than I can remember and I even wore a black and red wedding dress when I married my wonderful husband, Gray. At Dove House, people see the real me. The hospice accepts me exactly as I am. Here, we spend less time focusing on how difficult everything is and more time simply letting me be myself.

Coming to Dove House has even helped me have difficult conversations with Gray and Holly about dying. Now that I know what the hospice is really like, I know where I would want to be at the end of my life, and I've been able to tell them that. I don't want them left wondering whether they're making the right decisions for me.
Nothing will ever take away the pain they'll feel, but knowing Dove House will be there to support them, holding their hands every step of the way, gives me enormous comfort.

When you're diagnosed with an illness that will one day take your life, you think differently about the future and about the people you'll leave behind. There is so much more to hospice care than people realise. There are no pressures or expectations, just acceptance from the compassionate staff. Dove House has given me friendship, peace and something to look forward to every week.

I encourage anyone who can to support the hospice so they can continue helping people like me, and so more people discover that hospice care isn't just about the end of life, it's about helping you live well for every day you have.