Fiona - My Husband's Story

My husband Andrew started with a pain in his shoulder. He hated going to the doctors, but this pain was agony. A blood test for diabetes showed raised markers in his liver. More tests followed, and then we were told he had lesions on his liver. We didn’t really understand what that meant at first, and then suddenly we were sitting in Oncology being told he had liver cancer.

He had radiotherapy on his shoulder because the cancer had spread to his sternum and pelvis. From then on, it felt rubbish. There were endless appointments. Andrew wasn’t the sort of man to make a fuss, he’d never been ill before. We were told there was nothing they could do, but up until that point we genuinely thought everything was going to be okay. Two days later I found out I had cancer too. Everything was going wrong. I was caring for him more and more at home. One day I didn’t know how I was going to get him back into the house, he had to crawl over the doorstep. Even then, he refused to let me get anyone in to help.

The pain became unbearable and he was referred to Dove House who could admit him onto the Inpatient Unit, he accepted which shocked me, but he was in so much pain by then. From the moment we arrived at the hospice, everything changed. They got his pain under control and he was finally able to rest in bed instead of insisting he was still going to work. I can’t tell you how safe we felt there, every single person was lovely. Feeling safe was everything to us.

Andrew was in Dove House for five weeks. During that time, I had a mastectomy. The hospice made sure I knew he was being looked after while I had my surgery, that peace of mind meant the world to me. Andrew couldn’t praise Dove House highly enough, he really appreciated that the Head Chef, Lee, made him things he could manage to eat when he hadn’t been able to eat much at all. Andrew wasn’t one for giving praise, so that says everything.

He deteriorated quickly and when we realised he was coming towards the end of his life a nurse gently asked where he wanted to die, he said Dove House. He wasn’t an emotional person, but he cried. It was so important to both of us to return to the hospice. I wanted him safe, pain-free, treated like a person, and valued.
 

The next day he was back at Dove House. He rang me after breakfast, I couldn’t believe he was already there. Towards the end he became a bit confused, then he went to sleep and barely woke after that. We were moved into a single room. The nurses were wonderful; they still spoke to Andrew even when he was asleep. We also made friends with some of the other families who had loved ones at the hospice and often spent time in the day room doing a jigsaw together, it was moments like that I didn’t expect at the hospice.

When Andrew died, all the nurses came into the room and stood against the wall. It felt like a tribute to him. It meant more to us than I can ever explain. The care was beautiful, they couldn’t have done more to make me feel comfortable and supported.

Andrew actually worked until the day he returned to the hospice that last time, nine days before he died. The staff had to try to stop him working at three & four in the morning sometimes because he wanted to get things finished for his clients. 

I want to do whatever I can to support the hospice. The thought that it isn’t fully funded and could be at risk of not being there is frightening. It’s something you hope you never need, but you hope with all your heart that it’s always there if you do. After experiencing Dove House care, I would never hesitate to go there myself. I have never trusted anyone the way I trusted Dove House. They were there for us when we needed them most, and I hope they can be there for so many other families.