Carole's story

Jack and I had been married for almost sixty-three years and had two wonderful daughters, Natalie and Lindsay, as well as three adored grandchildren, Chloe, Ben and Sam. He was handsome, elegant, and quietly proud man who, as an engineer with BR (for whom he worked in the Signalling and Telecoms section for forty-two years). He was not only resourceful and highly capable but a thinking man.

After retirement, he revealed a true talent for watercolour painting after joining an art class and has left us with numerous and varied examples of his work of treasure.

However, Jack was diagnosed with COPD in 2005, due to smoking. He gravely gave up the habit there and then, whilst realising that the damage was already done to his lungs. He suffered the first serious episode of pneumonia in 2009, followed by removal of the upper right lung in 2010 due to cancer. Subsequently he was hospitalised numerous times over the following years with further bouts of pneumonia, all the time experiencing greater difficulty with his breathing.

I’d become his carer during these years though he still looked after his personal needs as far as possible himself. The fact that he lived through it all to 2025 is testament to his mental strength and dogged determination.  

Until then, we hadn't realised hospice care was something we could access. One day, we were having lunch at The Kitchen by Dove House and decided to pop into reception to ask a few questions, by the time Jack reached the desk, he was so breathless it was obvious he needed more support.

Sarah, one of the hospice's physiotherapists came to see us almost immediately and quickly reassured me that Jack would benefit from hospice care. Later that week we got a call to say the Dove House team had discussed his case and felt that a respite stay would benefit both of us.

Jack was understandably apprehensive about coming to a hospice; like many people, he wasn't sure what to expect but with the support of another physiotherapist, Alex, he soon began to feel comfortable. That first stay became such an important introduction to hospice care. It helped Jack, and all of us as a family, feel at ease with Dove House and gave us confidence about returning for another respite stay when the time came.

Jack built a huge amount of trust with Alex. Through Physiotherapy and the conversations, they shared, he was able to talk honestly about the end of his life. He had been frightened about what that might look like and worried about whether he would be in pain. Having someone he trusted to talk those fears through with made such a difference.

During his stay, Jack was carefully observed, allowing the doctors and nurses to understand exactly what he needed and provide the best possible care. It felt so different from being in hospital. There were no constant interruptions. It was calm, peaceful and, above all, respectful.
I still visited every day, even though Jack was there to give me some respite from caring for him at home. The difference was that, at the hospice, I could relax too. At home, I was always on alert, sleeping with one eye open. At Dove House, I knew Jack was safe and being cared for, and that gave me permission to rest as well. Caring for Jack at home could be physically and emotionally demanding.

The care Jack received at Dove House made him so much more comfortable. Everyone was incredibly kind and patient with him during his respite stays. Jack had a wonderfully dry sense of humour and loved winding people up. The nurses, doctors and therapists all embraced that side of his personality and built such genuine relationships with him. No matter how much pain he was in, they always treated him with dignity and referred to him as a true gentleman.

As time went on, Jack became increasingly susceptible to infections and was in and out of hospital. Each admission took a little more out of him. During one of his previous conversations with Alex, Jack had shared that, when the time came, he wanted to die at Dove House. When we realised he was reaching the end of his life, we knew we wanted him transferred from hospital to the hospice. He spent his final days there, surrounded by his family.

We couldn't have asked for better care. Everyone looked after not only Jack but all of us. His room opened out onto the hospice garden, and being able to step outside into such a peaceful space brought us enormous comfort. When Jack died, nobody hurried us. We were given all the time we needed to sit with him, say goodbye and simply be together, while the staff continued to support us with such kindness. Jack was 91 years old. He had lived a full and well-loved life.

No one wants to see someone they love in pain, but Dove House made sure Jack was as comfortable as possible. The hospice was calm, compassionate and completely centred around the person. It was exactly what Jack needed and exactly what we wanted for him.

The care we received went far beyond medicine. The physiotherapists, nurses, doctors and every member of staff helped us navigate one of the most difficult times in our lives with dignity, compassion and respect. Dove House isn't just a hospice, it's a vital part of our community, and we will always be grateful for everything they did for Jack and for our family.