Barbara's story

A few weeks after my 80th birthday, I became very unwell. The pain around my ribcage was excruciating. Eventually, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, which later spread to my bones. I later had to have part of my spine cemented because of the number of fractures I had.

Living alone, I found it incredibly difficult to manage my medication. I became overwhelmed, confused, and often woke in the night not even knowing my own name. I knew I wasn’t getting my medication right, but I didn’t know how to fix it. I felt so low and had slipped into a bit of a dark hole. I genuinely thought that was it for me.

I will never forget the nurse who said something so lovely that it has stayed with me ever since. It was exactly what I needed to hear:

“You must let your old life go. It’s not the same, but it’s still a life, and it’s worth having. Enjoy it.” And, then she referred me to Dove House.

I will also never forget the day I came to the hospice. I wasn’t frightened. Both my mum and dad had died at Dove House, so I already knew the amazing care they offered, though only from a family member’s point of view. My dad had been scared to come, but with our help he managed it, and he never regretted it. He called it his sanctuary. When you need help at the hospice, it is always given, gently, lovingly, without hesitation. It’s remarkable.

Now it was my turn to experience that care as a patient. Dove House opened their arms and wrapped me in love, warmth, and the feeling of being protected.

One of the doctors sat beside me and promised that I would leave with the tools I needed to move forward, and she was right. She helped me relax, reassured me, and even encouraged me to eat again. I hadn’t eaten for four days before that; I simply hadn’t wanted to. Even my daughter had tried and hadn’t been successful.

Since then, I’ve had a couple of respite stays, and I’m back again now while my daughter, Joanne, has a well-deserved break. I am always greeted with such kindness from every single person at the hospice. No matter what their role is, it’s so clear how much love and care they have to give.

I feel safe at Dove House, and my daughter can rest knowing I am looked after. It gives her precious time with no responsibilities. She does an incredible job caring for me, and I am forever grateful, but I want her to have a life too. This time, she and her husband are away walking in the Lakes. It gives her the chance to just be Joanne, and it gives me the chance to just be Barbara. I truly love my stays at the hospice and look forward to coming again.

I have been able to come to terms with dying, and Dove House has played a big part in that. They have helped me grow stronger, and together we’ve had the conversation that, when the time comes, I want to die at Dove House. That is important to me.

They take such good care of you, always checking in, always wanting to know how you truly are. That makes me feel like a person, not just a patient. They give me the space to unpick my emotions while living with stage-four cancer.

What Dove House offers to families is an incredible gift. They scoop them up and say, “Off you go,” giving people precious time with no responsibilities, while knowing their loved one is safe, cared for, and loved.

It’s important to me that both Joanne and I have these breaks. They give me time to think about what I want the last part of my life to look like. And I am so grateful that Dove House will be part of that, for both of us.