Tommy's story

My mum died through suicide when she was 48 years old. My brother and I were only 17 and 14 years old. I was overwhelmed with shock and depression not knowing what would happen next.

I didn’t feel like I could talk about my mum dying that much at the time, I just bottled everything up. I couldn’t even bring myself to think about it, it was just too hard. It was hard to describe what I was feeling, and I didn’t know how to put it into words. I didn’t know anyone like me or who was going through anything like it. It felt really isolating.

I could talk to my mum, but I didn’t want to worry her. She was grieving too, and I didn’t want to add to that. I tried speaking to the wellbeing team at school, but it didn’t feel like they understood what I needed.

I was nervous before going to the group. I didn’t know what to expect, and I was worried about what it might be like. But once I got there, it actually helped a lot. It felt good to be around other young people who got it, they understood what it’s like to lose someone so important.

The first time I came to see Jill from the Children’s Bereavement Team I didn’t know what to expect. In the back of my mind, I was a little nervous. But she allowed me time, in a safe space to share what was going on for me. It gave me an opportunity to step away from everything after the rush that follows a death where everyone was trying to do everything. I could open up and say what I needed to say. My brother and I have both had two sessions, one at Dove House and one where Jill came into school. We both found them really beneficial. We both learnt the value of opening up and talking about feelings that we wouldn’t usually share, making us both feel like we had taken a lot of weight of ourselves.

I know that I can get in touch with Jill whenever I need support and that is a great comfort. After the sessions I feel like I can share how I feel now more openly and in a calmer way than I could before. Jill really made us feel like we could get anything off our chests and that she was there just for us.

I have noticed a huge difference since accessing the support the hospice offers. It was challenging to even think about mum before, but I don’t feel like that now. 

For anyone thinking about coming to the Children’s Bereavement groups or sessions I would like to say, you probably are going to be nervous, but it really does help you get things off your chest. After you have done it, you feel a lot better and it helps in the future. 

Jill, Child Bereavement Co-Ordinator at Dove House
Tommy is an articulate and kind young man and it was an absolute pleasure and privilege to be able to offer him bereavement support in my role here at the hospice.

He was honest and open regarding his loss and to sit with him in his most dark times was something I will treasure. Tommy participated in a young person’s Think Tank for the service here at Dove House and in doing so has helped shape the future of the support we can offer young people here at the hospice. Tommy is hoping to now go on to University and I hope in some small way the space we offered him at the hospice has enabled him to feel more confident in knowing his emotions and being able to cope in difficult times.
 
 


Harvey’s mum Natalie: “Thank you so much to Jill, Becca and all who supported Harvey and also recently his brother Josh in school.  What you do is amazing and I could never thank you enough for supporting my boys through such a difficult time in their lives. Forever grateful.”