Malcolm's story

I met my wife Sue in 1960 at a dance hall. I spotted her across the dancefloor, and I thought she was beautiful. I told my friend I was going to ask her to dance and he laughed and told me I had no chance. I gathered my confidence and made my way over to her. She said yes, I couldn’t believe my luck. At half time I asked her if she wanted a drink and at the end, I asked if I could see her to the bus. She agreed to meet me again the next week and from then we had 62 wonderful years together. We married, saved for a house, somewhere to start a family, and eventually raised our son and daughter.

Sue got up in the night to go to the toilet. I would always listen out for her and give her a cuddle when she would come back as she would be cold. I heard a thud and I panicked, I was half asleep. I got up to find her at the bottom of our stairs. I will never get that awful sight out of my head. She was rushed to hospital but developed a bleed on the brain and six days later she died. How could this have happened? One minute we were enjoying our lives and the next she fell down the stairs and died.

I couldn’t function, I couldn’t leave the house. I didn’t know how to carry on without her. She was my whole world and I miss her from the second my eyes open in the morning to the minute I fall asleep at night.

Every time I come home and walk through the door all I can see is her just lying there. I have learned to come in the back door now so that I have been home a little while before I am faced with that mental image.
I still talk to her, I spent my whole life talking to her. Everywhere I go I wish she was there with me, by my side.

Welcome Wednesday at Dove House has given me a safe place to express my grief. I didn’t know what to expect but I can share exactly how I am feeling and get it all out. I have been coming for four months now and it has made such a difference to my life. Sometimes I just come and sit in the gardens. There are days that feel too much and I have been crying most of the morning and I don’t feel like coming but they are the days I need the group the most. One of the ladies who has become a good friend gives me a hug and after I have been at the group a little while I can feel my pain ease just that little bit.

Dove House helps to make my grief feel that little bit lighter. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss my wife but I have been able to start rebuilding my life thanks to the hospice.

I have made lovely friends at Welcome Wednesday; they always rope me into anything they do outside of the group, too. It is nice to be included and it gives me a sense of purpose.  

I have a big birthday coming up and the thought of not being able to share it with Sue breaks me. She is the one person I want to celebrate with I can't. I know it’s going to be a hard day but I know that the friends I have made at Welcome Wednesday will help me celebrate it and be there for me when I am sad.