Charlotte’s Story – My Dad Gerry

My dad was diagnosed with throat cancer in 2018 when he was 57 years old. He had felt unwell for a while, it was originally thought to be arthritis in his jaw and then tonsillitis, but it just kept reoccurring. When he was given the devastating news, it was stage four, and it was such a shock.

We had five wonderful years with Dad until he started to deteriorate and ended up in hospital. While there, Dove House was mentioned to us as an option. I had done a placement in a hospice near where I lived, so I had a little bit of an insight into what to expect but Dad was scared. I got in touch with Dove House to talk through his options. One of the things we were worried about was the fact that I lived three and a half hours away so we wanted to be certain I could visit. They reassured me and even offered me the family apartments they have upstairs which really made me feel confident I could be with Dad as much as I needed and wanted to be.

Dad didn’t want to die, he didn’t want to have to think about things like a hospice, but he needed more support. He needed hospice care. I had a conversation with Dad and reassured him, the next day he was at the Dove House.
Me and Dad went in the ambulance and arrived together. It didn’t feel like a clinical environment; it was very home like. The nurses let us put up pictures and offered us cups of tea which helped Dad to settle in. Everyone in the hospice was so welcoming and kind.

We all surrounded him with love and made sure he had all the support he needed. Just being there for him was the most important thing but we were all scared. There was an amazing volunteer who was so sweet, he would come round with tea and cake, and it was just lovely.

Dad spent so many weeks in hospital being spoken to like he wasn’t a human being. At Dove House, the doctors spoke to him with compassion and listened to his wishes.

Everyone at Dove House is truly amazing. Everything they do is incredible, despite how difficult their roles must be. They give such high levels of personalised care. Even the physiotherapist made sure Dad went out every day, round the pond and to see the fish.

Using the family suites was so important, to be able to stay upstairs was vital for us as we lived too far away to travel to visit every day. When we were in the bubble of being by Dad’s side at the hospice, I didn’t want to step away from the room, but it was mentally exhausting, and I did need a break. Staying at Dove House meant I was able to step away even just for a shower. The hospice helped me be able to do that, to look after myself so that I could be there for Dad.
Dad had a beautiful Cockapoo dog, who was able to visit him at Dove House. It definitely boosted his moral and it was special to have a bit of home visit him at the hospice.

Another special moment was Dad being able to have an Alexa in his room. He always had music on a home, so it was really comforting to be able to have music on while he was at the hospice. We hadn’t had sleepovers in years, I was grown up now, but the hospice team arranged for me to sleep in Dad’s room one night, it was like being young again and a memory I will cherish forever.

The night Dad died I was glad that he was at Dove House. He was in pain and the fact that he was able to have pain relief straight away so that he was comfortable meant so much to us and it just wouldn’t have been that way had we have been at home. My brother and I were there, and Dad’s wife and sister came down from the suites. The nurses literally picked me up, they were all there for us both and so supportive. Dad was just 62 years old when he died.

The nurses gave us advice for next steps; we had no idea what to do. They didn’t rush us; we had as much time as we wanted. The nurses dressed Dad in his favourite pjs which was such a lovely thing to do. They also gave me a love heart pin badge that I wear every day at work, and it makes me feel close to him.
I wanted to raise money to help other families to enjoy the time they have left with their loved ones. The hospice did that for us and I wanted to be able to do that for other families, so I decided to run the London Marathon.
The training was hard; I’m not a runner but I did park runs every week and was running 2 to 3 times a week. The marathon was gruelling, but I knew in my mind why I was doing it, I was determined. The atmosphere was amazing, and I was very pleased to have survived it. I would love to do it again.

All the nurses, assistants, the people that physically picked me up off the floor at the hospice, are all superhuman. To work in a hospice takes a different set of skills. Dad would always say how much he liked it there. We were so grateful for the care and was very thankful to have a place so wonderful in Hull when we so desperately needed the care.