Grief at Christmas 2024 


Quite often along with a significant bereavement comes a complete knock in self-confidence and sense of identity, and we find that people we support don’t feel able to engage in the things they did or enjoyed previously (either because they did them with their loved one, or because they feel exposed and vulnerable). We hope to try and support people as much as we can to find their way through to starting to do things that will help them to cope and rebuild. This may or may not be the same things they did before, and will always be at their own pace.

However, I think for the majority of those same people who have faced the most significant loss of their lives to date, if they really searched themselves, would realise that in reality, they don’t want to feel completely ‘better’ or to go back to something they were before because that would mean losing their loved one had meant nothing. Time doesn’t ‘heal’, time enables us to adjust. The truth is that the death of a loved one will change us and it will change our lives. So, our grief isn’t a time-limited event, it becomes a part of us along with the love we have for the people we have lost. Rebuilding then, becomes about moving forward with life whilst accommodating our grief within it, so that over time it hopefully becomes less consuming and overwhelming and we can carry it with us.

And yes, you will laugh again and you will feel joy again and hope does remain.  

By Katie Thorpe
Social Worker, Family Support Team

How to cope with grief at Christmas

When you’re grieving, the thought of celebrating Christmas can be really daunting. It’s important to look after yourself and work out the best ways to cope throughout the season. We thought we would share with you a couple of ways that might help if you are grieving a loved one this Christmas and festive period.
Finding out what works for you can take a little time. You may want to celebrate Christmas and keep to a routine or you may feel like not celebrating this year. Just know that what ever you decide is ok. Everyone has different ways of grieving and it is important to let yourself do that in a way that works for you.
Celebrating you loved one can look different for everyone. Maybe this is sharing your loved one’s photos, keeping a Christmas tradition that you did together or doing something that reminds you of them can bring some joy.

It is important to look after yourself over the Festive season but also be aware that the Christmas period may disrupt your normal routine, and this can make it harder to look after yourself. Trying to maintain a similar routine to normal such as sleeping and eating can make a difference.

Seeing happy images of families celebrating over the festive season can be tough. Remember you are not alone. Reaching out to family and friends can help or even something as simple as taking yourself out for a little walk in the fresh air.

We thought we would finish with a poem:

I will light Candles this Christmas;
Candles of joy despite all sadness,
Candles of hope where despair keeps watch,
Candles of courage for fears ever present,
 
Candles of peace for tempest-tossed days,
Candles of grace to ease heavy burdens,
Candles of love to inspire all my living,
Candles that will burn all the year long.”

— Howard Thurman